Welcome to another episode of the balanced growth Show. I'm your host, Dr Travis Parry, today we have Jim Sabellico. Jim is the host of the no half cakes podcast, which I was featured on a little while ago. It was very awesome experience. And he's the founder of hardcore growth, a digital agency built on one mission, helping people calm their chaos and build a life they actually want to live after scaling multiple seven and eight figure businesses, Jim hit a turning point standing in front of his of half his son's birthday cake right the moment he realized success means nothing, if it costs you the things that matter most now. He helps high achievers cut through the noise, find clarity and create real, lasting impact without burning out or checking out. Jim, you are a perfect example of balanced growth, and your story really, really resonates, and hopefully your this audience will will love it. Welcome to the show.
Thank you, brother. I appreciate the opportunity to be here

for sure. Tell us a little bit about your journey. Everybody wants to know about that story, like, how did this set you off about the no or the half cake that you were staring at? I love to start there and tell us. How did you get to where you are

now, sure I'd love to so I think to get to that point, we have to first kind of start with, I guess, really, how I started in business, and everything up until that, I started my first business at the age of eight, which always, you know, sounds kind of crazy, but I was bored in the summertime. I have an older brother or older sister, and while they were supposed to be kind of watching me. In the summer, they were hanging out with their friends, doing their own thing. Both my parents worked, so I decided to kind of follow in their footsteps and do something productive. So I grabbed my lawn mower, or our family's lawn mower, and would walk around the neighborhood cutting grass. And although it sounds silly, it was making about 200 bucks a week, again, as an eight year old kid in the 90s, I'm on top of the world. I've got no bills, no expenses, and it gave me a very early sense of, hey, this money thing is pretty cool, because I could literally say, Hey, Mom, drive me to the toy store. Obviously couldn't get there myself, but at that point, I could buy whatever I wanted to, and you can't really say no. So that feeling of independence and financial success as a as a young kid stuck with me, and I continued to pursue that through all sorts of different ventures, from car stereo sales to, you know, I actually used to walk people back to my house during lunch break in school and install wallpapers on their phone for 20 bucks a piece, back when that was like a thing that you needed a special cable for so all sorts of different ventures, and it gave me this feeling of like I got the minus touch. I could walk into any business make money with it, and money making was my thing. So fast forward a little bit to getting married and having our first kid. I didn't necessarily know how to be a parent. I didn't know how to be a dad. So like I said, my dad was present in the house, but he was hard working. He would leave before I got up and come home after I went to bed, and to me, that was the example that I had to model from. So when we had our first kid, I was following in those footsteps. I didn't know how to engage with a newborn, I didn't know how to play, to change diaper, like I never knew that part, but I knew how to provide so I fell back into that role, and said, you know, Hey, babe, my wife, amazing mother, naturally gifted at it. You stay home with the kids. I will provide. She loved being a mom. Still does so I figured in my head, this is great. You love being a mom. I am really good at working. I enjoy what I do. I'll work. I'll provide financially for our family. Make sure we have everything covered. You take care of this part. Everyone's good up until October 29 2019 8:45pm, I come home no clue what I was doing that was so important that kept me out of the house that late. But I get home and it's my son's sixth birthday, and, you know, they're like, still a little bit like, that's overtired at that point, still walking around the house. I'm like, Hey, let's see happy birthday before you guys go to bed. And that's when my wife pulls out this half eaten birthday cake, and I'm standing there looking at it like, this, isn't it? Like, how what was I doing that was so important that I wasn't physically here for my own son's birthday. And that moment, for me, really stuck out as like, hey, whatever you're doing isn't actually successful. It doesn't matter what kind of car you pulled up in the driveway, and doesn't matter what kind of house you live in, doesn't matter how much money is in the bank. Like, I was nothing more than. And a glorified credit line to my wife, I had no relationship with her, like we were on, literally on the brink of divorce, which I didn't realize until shortly after that, I had no real relationship with my kids. I was in the worst physical shape of my life. Every metric other than dollars in the bank, was absolutely awful. And that moment of realizing like, hey, this isn't it for me, was my eye opener, and that's when I declared, I'm not accepting any half cakes anywhere else in my life. Like there are so many things in my life that are good that I'm missing out on because I'm focused on the wrong thing. So now we're going to go all in on everything. We're going to figure out a way to be successful in relationships, successful in finances, successful in, you know, your own emotional well, being like spiritually, all of these different areas. How to truly be successful in a way that doesn't come at the cost of actually enjoying your life.
Wow, appreciate the story and thank you for the detail and the visualization of where you were literally at the moment, the day, the time, like, that's really telling. So how did that shift business? How did that shift your life? How did that motivate you to help others kind of continue with the story a little
bit. Yeah, I'd love to So initially, negatively would be the answer, because, like in the initial kind of days, weeks and months after that, I was a wreck, mad at everybody, frustrated at this is sounds dumb in retrospect, but I would be mad at my customers for giving me work, because then I had to do it, and I was missing out on family, right? So at this stage, my eyes are open to the fact that, hey, I want to be present with my family, but I didn't know how to do that. There was a disconnect between wanting to be with my family and also still wanting to pay the bills and obviously, take care of all the things that I had built. But there was no like systems in place. So over the course of the next couple of years, you know, I worked with a couple of good coaches mentors to help me figure out what those systems look like and put those in place so that actually, now, hey, when I am operating as my true, unique and authentic self that is also reflected in the business, the systems and processes are there so that I don't need to be answering emails at 10 o'clock at night and staring at my phone then I wake up, I could be present. So initially awful, but as I started to kind of work with people who are further along the path than me, who kind of opened my eyes to, hey, this is how you're really supposed to go about and do this. Phenomenal. So at this stage in the game, now, six years later, all of the businesses are doing better than they were before. I'm working less hours than I was. Like by every measurable thing you could possibly poke a stick at, everything is doing better and I'm working less so by all means. Yes, when you get your your stuff in alignment and figure out, you know, the little things, it just flows so much easier.

Yeah, well, I appreciate you mentioning it didn't just change overnight, like there is a process human development and change is exactly that. A lot of times it's more painful at first, right, headed back to the gym, you know, after maybe not being there for a long time. It hurts. It hurts. I know, go ahead.
No, I was gonna say, I think that's, you know, such an important part to realize is that a lot of people try and avoid that part, right? Because you know, when you want to make that change, it's uncomfortable. And so often we delay that uncomfort or discomfort, because we're like, hey, going back to the gym, right? You want to get in shape, you want to do the right thing. It's uncomfortable, especially when you're out of weight. I've lost over 100 pounds since when I started this journey, and obviously I still have more progress to go. But like starting it is uncomfortable. It's awkward, it's it's just a mess. If you don't do it well, it might feel more comfortable in the moment, because, like, I can just stay in bed for an extra hour at what cost, right? That cost is going to come due at some point, and you're gonna have to live with being unhealthy, right? So being unhealthy is hard. Going to the gym is hard, being financially responsible is hard. Being poor is hard. Like all of these things are hard. You just have to figure out whether you want to be the one who is facing it head on, on your terms, right? And you are dictating, Hey, I am going to jump into this on my terms, or you're just going to get dealt whatever hard crap comes thrown at you by avoiding it in the first place. It's going to come due one way the other. It's just a matter of if you decide, hey, I want to be the one who calls the shots. I'm going to do it on my terms. I'm just going to let society give me whatever version of heart I get by default.

Yeah, yes, it's the Choose Your Own Adventure. Choose your heart. The choice is yours. What do you choose? I love that because, because that's. Exactly where change begins. It starts with I make a choice, and a conscious choice takes you to a different place. Well, speaking of that place, you've made some major improvements in your life. What would you say? What's maybe the one or two things that you learned along the way, besides the fact that it's hard at first, but now looking back, going, Wow, I didn't know that. I didn't know and it could be things like, hey, yeah, that was actually a lot, you know, easier or different as you've started to make these changes in your life and in your business. What were some things, kind of life lessons?

I think the biggest one that I could point to would be finding out who your authentic self is, and then pursuing that as much as humanly possible. And you know, to add on to that, I would say that all of us, and I'll use a word that's probably too strong and some people will be offended by but all of us have some level of childhood trauma. Now that doesn't necessarily mean you were an orphan, abandoned in a cardboard box on the side of the river. Type of trauma. You could have had a totally normal upbringing, where you had both parents present in the home, and they worked a nine to five job, and everything was hunky dory. There's still some level of input that environment gave you that shaped who you are today, and again, it doesn't have to be bad, you know, by any means, doesn't mean that you were abused or you were neglected or anything like that. When we typically think about the word trauma, it usually, you know, most people think it's that sort of thing. But in reality, what it is is, hey, you were, you were brought up in this specific environment that caused you to have these certain set of beliefs. And now, as a 3040, 50 year old adult, sometimes people, for the first time, will stop and take a look at Hey, what was that environment like? What are the things that shaped me as a child that I am now living out today. And there's so many things that we will come to realize when you stop and take a look at, oh, that's why I do that. Oh, I didn't realize that I failed to maintain a relationship with whoever because of X, Y and Z from when I was a kid. And again, doesn't have to be bad. But you realize that when you're a kid, you're raised a certain way, and that shapes your version of normal, right? So you define what is normal by what you experience as a kid. And I think that there's a really difficult part to this, is having that conversation and accepting that reality without blaming your parents, right? Because there are some people who, unfortunately, their parents are not here to have that conversation, and it feels awful to be like my mother or father did something that now has affected me, right? You don't want to pass blame on a person when you came and have that relationship at all, and even if your parents are still here, it feels like you know, you don't want to blame them for stuff. They did the best that they could. And I think the important part there is to realize that it's not about blame, right? There is no blame. Blame is not going to help anybody. Blaming someone for who you are, and, you know, how you're raised, or the conditions that you grew up in, or whatever it is, isn't going to change anything, right? So you have to give people Grace instead to be like, Hey, Mom, Dad, uncle, aunt, you're raised by your grandparent who knows whatever the situation is, giving people grace to be like, Hey, I see you. I recognize the fact that this is what I grew up in. You know, you as a kid don't necessarily have control over that, but you give them grace be like, Hey, I appreciate everything that you did, and I know it wasn't easy, especially if you are a parent right now, you know that, hey, you're doing it for the first time. There's going to be situations where you make a mistake, whether it's you as a parent, you as a leader in your company, one of those things, they're relatively similar in regard to raising up someone who is younger than you, either in their profession or just their age, give them grace. Well said, give them the grace right to recognize that, hey, they did the best that they could release them of that and then start taking control over the fact that now, no matter what got you up until this point in your life, you get to decide what happens next. And I think when you step into that control and realize, like, no matter what got me here, I can make a decision on what gets me to my next step, right? But I do think it's important to recognize, hey, these are the things that got me up until this point, so you can start to actively change what those inputs like going forward.

Yeah, this idea that, you know, we're dealt different hands or different cards in this game of life, I can't refute and we, you know, we obviously can look at genetics and and even upbringing and parents and that sort of thing. However, you still have. A choice, we still have agency and responsibility to make a choice based on what we've been given. I love this idea of forgiving and letting go, because so many people hold on to these experiences and they're a perceived unfairness, and that unfairness can be something that just really eats at them. I have done just 1000s of coaching calls with clients who, when we really get to the brass tacks of where some of their negativity, their limiting beliefs, their blocks about moving forward, it usually does come back to your you know, example of childhood trauma. And you know, childhood extends to teenage life, like there's a lot of stuff that happens there, and a lot of guys, Jim even experience this in sports, like maybe being bullied by other kids, or how the coach did or did not treat them. And you know, it's kind of highlighted in Napoleon Dynamite, Uncle Rico Put me in coach, you know? I mean, there's, there's some of that. And I know we laugh about it, but it's actually true, like there are so many men, especially, who have had some form of experience work or experiences that help to kind of pull them off and take them in the wrong direction, and how you know that affects their subconscious mind. So I appreciate you bringing this up, and what you've learned there that's, that's a life lesson. I know you coach, and I know you help other business owners to grow and scale, as I mentioned in your bio, and as we've talked in in on your show extensively, what, what would you give us is, like the main issue? What's the main problem that you see business owners struggle with when they're trying to scale their business?

I think it goes back to the ability to live as your authentic self for large part. And that's kind of why I mentioned that is like the first number one thing that most people need to really understand so they can heal from. But if you scale it out a little bit, a lot of times you see someone who is a founder who is now operating as a CEO, and those are definitely two different roles. A lot of times when you have a founder who's being the CEO, they're too close to it to be able to make good decisions. But what winds up happening is they assign too much of their identity to the success or failure of whatever the thing is that they've built. So they oftentimes will make decisions based out of ego or pride and not necessarily in the best interest of the company. And what winds up happening is you start to have these conversations, and when you get down to the root of it, right? And you feel like you can have a normal conversation to understand, Hey, Steve, the business owner is cool. Let's meet Steve, the 11 year old kid who never had a connection with his dad, right? And now you are pursuing that same disconnect through your entire business, and it's oftentimes an uncomfortable conversation to have, right? So most people avoid it. We just bury ourselves in work, and we feel successful in work, but then you come home and you have no relationship with your wife or no relationship with your kids, or you're sitting there checking your phone, doing your your emails constantly, and you're disconnected from the fact that you have an entire family who's going to grow up around you, who doesn't know you. But what winds up happening is, when we uncover this and we have this conversation, we figure out like, All right, cool, who is the true version of Steve? Then Steve is comfortable. He's confident to make decisions, because he knows, hey, if I say this version of the business didn't work out the best way possible, right? We messed up. I can begin again, and I don't care if I get judged by that, because I'm free from it, not necessarily tied to other people's opinions anymore. And one of the things I see a lot is where the business owner will have to wear a lot of hats, right? You have to be the CEO. You have to be the marketing person, you have to be the dad, you have to be the husband, you have to be all these different things. And my answer to this, typically, is figuring out again, who that person is, and operating as that person in all of those areas. So it is way easier to move through your life when you do not have to change your core values based on where you are at. Okay, if you establish a set of core values and principles that you run your life by, and you operate by those principles in your home and in your business and with yourself, it is infinitely easier to make decisions because you know you have a set of rules. Hey, does this align with who I am? No, all right, cool. Don't do it. It doesn't matter whether I'm talking about in the business or at home or whatever it is. You understand who you are. You understand the set of of core values that you operate by. And it makes it so much easier to just move through life with basic yes or no answers, because you want. Understand, hey, these are my core values. This is who I am. This is what's important to me. This is the type of legacy I want to live. This is the type of standard I'm going to hold. And if it's not that, it doesn't get in, doesn't matter the situation, doesn't matter the environment. You don't have to be a chameleon to be everything to everybody.

You know, core values really create ideal character, right? This is, this is integrity. This is who you truly are. So I really appreciate you bringing this up. We don't have to be somebody different in business just because it's that industry, or it's, that's how business is done, this way in the company, you know, whether you know running it or not. And I've been in the situations where, like, well, this is how the industry does it, and this is, yeah, but that doesn't align with me. And eventually, if you're an employee, you're going to break with that company if that culture doesn't match. But if you're running that company, and you're you have the ability to influence the culture. More responsibility right on your shoulders. But I love how you mentioned, you know, this is what I'm all about, achieving balance, marry and Grow Rich. Those books I wrote about, you know, talk a lot about being there, being present, being with your kids. You just don't You don't know what time you have left, but what you mentioned is like you also don't know how you're influencing your children, because you are by your actions. You can say one thing, but how you act is what your kids will remember. They may not even remember what you said, you know years later, but they will remember, you know, what you did, and they will look to it, as you just talked about your own father, what he did is what you remember. That's the role model. So, Jim, I appreciate you calling us out on the carpet here and really helping us understand what, what are our core values? If, if you know you were to say, this is the most important aspect of helping people through your framework, like, what was the one thing of really getting clear with those values, and how does that then translate into business growth?

I think it goes back to the same answer I said before, is that really knowing who you are right, operating with that integrity and saying, Hey, this is who I am like or leave it is what it is. And you don't have to change your marketing. You don't have to change your product offering. You don't have to change anything you are, who you are. And you know, it's it's a delicate balancing act for a lot of men to women too, I'm sure, but I'll speak from my own personal experience to do that, because we tend to be told to buck up, walk it off, not share that emotion sometimes, and it can be incredibly difficult to feel isolated, to feel frustrated, to feel less than and not know where to turn, because you don't want to be judged or criticized. So what I see a lot happen is someone who will continue to just put that uncomfortable thought in a box somewhere, push it down and then bury it with drinking drugs, you know, cheating on your wife, or whatever the situation is like, there are so many different vices that we'll put in to kind of medicate that feelings we're afraid to have these conversations and ultimately leads to a bad place. So putting together a deep understanding of who you are and living in that really comfortably, I think is, is phenomenal, but I don't know that that happens without other people showing up to kind of give you that grace and space to figure that part out, because it's when you don't know who you are, like deep down, really, truly know who you Are. It's uncomfortable, right? Because as soon as you start figuring that out, it immediately means you're lost, right? To admit I don't know who I am, I need to refine that process. It's really uncomfortable, right? Because everything around you starts getting shaky. And if you don't have some people around you to be like, Hey, bro, listen, it's okay. I got you, nothing's gonna fall apart. I'm right here with you. I will walk through this with you. You'll be okay, right? To have that person by your side makes all the difference. And like, for me personally, if I did not have that person in my life when I was going through that, I don't know, I'd be where I am at.

Yeah, so this is, this is the not so secret, secret, right? Having that supportive person, this, this spouse, that can really be your supportive partner. I mean, this is what I talk about, Mango rich, and we've had these conversations on your show, but you really put this emphasis on your identity. So how, how does one. Um, help you know his spouse to really live her identity. Is it? Is there a responsibility there? Do you see that with married couples, that they do support each other in that way? You know, maybe tell me a little bit about your experience with coaching other other guys in this role, like, how does, how does that really coincide together, of both of them living their value?

Yeah, so, a great question, and I think the answer that, to me, is two words, go first, and it's uncomfortable for a lot of men, specifically, because, you know, you kind of grow up with this expectation of, you know, the the wife is supposed to submit to the husband, and there's supposed to be this almost subservient relationship there, where, you know, whether you look back historically at the wife is home being a homemaker, and the husband's out being the breadwinner, right? There was that for a number of years, and then we get into this, you know, what some people call toxic masculinity phase that we're in right now. But actually heard a great rephrase of that the other day called immature masculinity, which I definitely like way better. But it's It's this feeling of, hey, I need to pound my chest and really reaffirm that I am this alpha male, because I'm afraid of what other people are going to judge, right, and afraid of the criticism other people will say if I do show up a little bit soft, and I think that's a really difficult spot that we found ourselves in here, because what I do believe that we need to do is honor our women, right? Honor your wife, honor your daughter, honor your mom, right? And that's not necessarily this macho, cool thing to say, and I think that's why it needs to be said even more, right? Because to me, you have to realize that they're also battling with their own identity, their own everything, especially if you have been so blessed to be with a woman who has brought life into this world, we don't glorify that enough, right? When you look at the stay at home mom compared to the woman who made it, the CEO, which one gets more glory? Right? The CEO? Oh, you did this amazing thing. Awesome. Hey, guess what? You created life like, you should have a free pass at this point to do whatever the heck you want. You did your job and like, that's a huge freaking thing. We should support you in that. And there's nothing that me, supporting my wife takes away from me. I think that we really need to understand that part. Because, you know, there's way too many men who are like afraid to dump in, to jump in and support the women in your life and show a little bit of affection because you think it's somehow going to make you look soft or weak, or whatever the phrase you want to put in is, but it's not right. And for us to be able to stand up and say, Hey, I'm going to go first. I'm going to be the one who is supportive of my wife even on the days that she might not deserve it. Yeah, let's call it what it is, because there's days that I don't deserve either. But I can't sit here and expect her to be the the Queen to my kingdom if I don't show up as the king, right? And if I don't show up and do the thing for her that she needs, I can never expect her to be able to give that back to me when she can't give it to herself first. So for me, it's about pouring into her cup. How do I show up for her? She's not going to be affectionate, she's not going to be intimate, she's not going to be all going to be all the things that you're wanting if you're just sitting there wanting them, but if you show up and be a little bit selfless, say, Hey, how can I show up and support my wife? And everything will come back to you tenfold.
Yeah. What's interesting about this conversation? Because I feel like I'm talking to myself. I feel like there's so much that we align on, which is awesome. I love doing podcast swaps and being able to get your perspective. The thing, the thing that comes to me is I what happens a lot of times in society. It studied sociology and psychology, I see that the society starts to change a little bit, and then they blame the previous generation, right? They change a little bit, and they bring blame that previous generation. And this goes on, and we call it progress. But in my opinion, we cycle. We cycle just like the cultures, the fads, our hair, everything, we kind of go through these cycles. And I think what you brought out there is a really great point of like, well, it used to be this with men. Now it's this. Now it's this whole top quote, unquote, toxic masculinity. And masculinity is what society says it is. Gender is male, is not male or female. Excuse me, family scientists say that gender is is, is actually if you're masculine or feminine, what society gets screwed up is this is definition of gender. Biology is male or female. You're born male or female, but you might be a male who acts. Acts more feminine, or you might be a female who acts more masculine, but that that definition in society is depending upon what society says. So right now, what they're doing, well, some in society are attacking this idea of of masculinity at all, like there shouldn't be no masculinity. What's interesting to what you just said there is letting your wife go first, chivalry, respect, honor. A lot of what you're saying actually is, is quite, quite feminine. In my opinion, is feminine in that women honor, they respect, they treat. But we're also learning as men to say, hey, that's actually it's masculine to be respectful. It's masculine to let someone go first. It's masculine to honor my wife. It's also very Christian. It's also very, you know very much what God wants us to do. So as I'm as I'm thinking about this, when Hold on, I think sometimes, and we'll throw some politics, I think sometimes those on the left like to throw and smear what's, what's, you know, maybe a part of what is good and make it bad. But you're calling it this immature masculinity. That makes more sense to me, that that is a much better understanding. It is immature, in my opinion, humble opinion, a man isn't truly a man until he has had a child, until he holds a baby in his arms and says, oh my goodness, there is some biology that happens. There's connection that happens. And I'm not saying men, if you if you can't have a physical child, you're not ever married like you know, this is just what I'm suggesting happens in the brain. There is change that happens that man now wants to protect he wants to provide safe space for that child to grow and thrive. So, you know, I love how you brought this up, like, let her, you know you you go first, you be the example, but then treat her with love and respect. That, to me, makes more sense. There's actually a lot of research too that shows that men and women, the longer that they're married, the more they actually become like each other. And yes, there's differences, but over time, they actually learn to connect and stay connected because of how similar they become. A man becomes more patient. I've watched this with my my grand my grandpas, you know, it's like the rough and tumble they become like, more soft over the years to become more patient and loving and and I'm not saying that men and women shouldn't have those separate roles. I do believe that those are divinely appointed roles that a mother has, that we don't have as men, but we support and provide and protect and preside in good ways in our home. So I think masculinity is getting a bad rap, but I do believe that some like you mentioned very immature maybe are using it as their stick, as this is my entitlement versus this is my duty and my way to serve. So anyway, those my two cents. I know we could break that down for a long time, but I want to focus on how you mentioned, you know, the the idea that you're you're you're really honoring and cherishing and loving your spouse so that she can be what she is meant to be. Now maybe extrapolate this how, what's your thought process on, you know, being a great spouse, on how that can help one grow a business. Is there a correlation that you've seen there?

Yeah, there is. And I think a lot of it has to do with to me, I find a lot of similarity in growing a family and growing a business. You know, whether it's okay to say you're you have kids, you have employees, and they're largely interchangeable with how you parent them, not that you should be necessarily parenting your employees, but there's a hierarchy of that relationship that I think a lot of similarities exist. And if you can't show up in your home and honor your wife and honor the covenant that you created together, how do you expect to have that same level of discipline and courage and honor and integrity in your business, because you have to be aligned in your home, in how you are going to tag team your kids, all the different things that go on in your home. And if you can't do it there, what's, what's the expectation you're gonna be able to do it in your business, right? And if you show up in your business in devious ways where you're trying to scam people out of money. How's that going to translate into your marriage? So for me, this goes back to that same conversation we had before about not wearing 30 different hats, but being the same person everywhere you go, right? If you're operating with honor and integrity and you are acting in a selfless manner where you're caring about you. Overall mission, not necessarily what's best for you, but Right? How do we lead this family to a great place? So we lead this business to a great place. It's not about what makes me the boss look the best, right? It's not about who's more important in the house. I would never have the argument whether the husband or the wife are more important. They're both important in very, different roles. And when you start getting into this same thing about, I'm more important, you are more important. It ultimately comes down to people are not operating in their authentic self. They don't know who they are. They need to cling to this definition that society gives you, where you're more important because x, y and z, because without that, you've got nothing, right? So that's why I keep going back to this authenticity part and really understanding who you are and whose you are, because if you can understand that part, the rest of it so much easier to navigate. But yeah, there to me, there's so much similarity in how you show up. Honor, integrity are everything. And if you can't show up in your marriage with that, you've got no chance in business.
Yeah, really great point. Integrity is huge, and you've been saying that this whole time, like in just different ways. I really, really appreciate that. So if you're listening to this podcast and you're going, Well, how do I show up more authentic? How do I understand what my true values are. How can I be a better husband? What would you say? Jim? What are 123, ways that that you would suggest now that anyone, any you know, business owner, dad, out there listening? Could can start doing today?
So the number one thing I'd recommend is have a conversation, whether that's with a trusted friend, whether that's with whoever DM me if you want to, I'm more than happy to have the conversation, get around someone where you can have the conversation and start the process. So think the a number one thing you need is, like I said before, that grace and space to decompress. You got to have that place where you can take the armor off, like, Alright, cool. I know that I'm in a safe place where I'm not going to be necessarily criticized, I'm not going to be judged, I'm going to be accepted for who I am. I can take the mask off, I can take the armor off, and I can start to explore who I really am, right? And to me, I believe that is the a number one, most important. Part. When you get around someone where you feel seen, heard, loved and appreciated, and in a great marriage, that would be your spouse, but a lot of times, what happens is, because you yourself don't necessarily feel seen, heard, loved and appreciated, you're not going to make your spouse feel that. It's near impossible, so you got to start with yourself, and you got to get around someone who's not going to criticize you, not going to judge you're not going to feel like you're less than you got to get around someone have that conversation where you can realize, all right, cool. It's okay. It's okay if I'm not perfect, you're not perfect either. I'm not perfect. Okay, I'll be the first two minute messed up a lot, but every time I messed up, version two has been better than version one. Okay, this is literally the second time we're recording this podcast. Version two better than version one, right? So every example in my life I could point to where I have messed up version two has been better. Okay, so get around someone who you can take the armor off, you can have the conversation, start to unpack who you really are. It's a process that's not going to be fast, but you're going to have to start to go through this. You're going to figure it out along the way and be willing to be vulnerable with that person, right? And again, I think that that's there's a lot of relationship building that happens there where you start to realize, like it's okay for me to say, hey, I don't feel great today. I still have those days, literally yesterday, had a conversation with with my mentor, who said, Hey, it's okay, right? Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue. And this is a conversation we literally had yesterday. Okay? What? What matters is what you decide to do next, you could be on top of the world, or you could be getting crapped on, either way, what you decide to do next is critically important. You can't roll through life with an ego. You got to humble yourself. You can't roll through life thinking that everyone's above you. You got to figure out who you are authentically and what your role is and operate in that space. But a number one thing, get around someone who can support you in that process. Because again, when you feel seen, her loved and appreciated, when you have that grace and space in your life to start unpacking that process, it allows you to really step into that and start. And I think once you start and you start to feel like, Oh, this is actually really cool, right? When you start to build up that feeling of, man, I was afraid to take that first step because I was uncomfortable, right? I was afraid of what it would feel like. I was afraid to be criticized and judged. But I'm, you know what happens the first time you start to go through that on your terms, you start to say, No, I'm not. Gonna avoid the hard thing. I'm gonna step into the hard thing. I'm gonna make that decision. The freedom on the other side of that is such a high, such an awesome feeling that'd be it starts to become addictive. When you start to get addicted, that feeling of, man, what can I do? Oh, I was so afraid of doing this for 40 years. All I had to do is make a decision, and now I can do this and that. What else can I do? Right? Starts like you. You tap into this alternate version of reality that's been right in front of you this whole time. Then now you're like, you feel like this wizard with all sorts of cool powers. You can do whatever you want, and you want to try it out, right? You want to feel, what else can I feel? Right? What can my relationships look like? What can my marriage look like? What can my finances look like? All these things are possible. They're on the other side of that. So I think, like I said, before get around someone who's gonna make you feel loved, appreciated, seen and heard for who you are, and give you the space and grace you need, start unpacking what you got.

Well said, great advice. If people want to get a hold of you, Jim, where can they find you?

Best place for me is Facebook, Instagram. Jim Sabellico, I'm the only one that's there, so won't be hard to find.

Well, that's nice. That's nice. You've been awesome. Really appreciate your advice here today, and I do love your leadership and what you're all about. We've come to this spot different experiences, but so nice to share the virtual you know, stage and microphone here with you today and talk about these things we're both passionate about. Thanks for Thanks for being a great, great guest, and for all that you stand for. My friend.

My pleasure. Thank you. I appreciate the opportunity Absolutely.

​Guys. If you love this, connect with Jim. If you haven't picked up my book yet, Marion Grow Rich, go to www.marryandgrowrichbook.com and a lot of what we talked about is presented there in different forms, in different ways. And just really enjoyed this conversation with Jim today. You know, like, share, subscribe, do all the things and remember until next time, live life on purpose together.